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200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML
Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML
Today, a blonde tourist came up to me and asked me for directions to the nearest train station. I politely directed her there, and she left. Five minutes later, she came back and slapped me for not bringing her to an "English-speaking station". We're in China, lady. FML
Monday 1 September 2014