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About ty7in_topic : Mixed. English learning French. Virginia native. Athlete and musician.
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
TODAY,HILE IN THE YARD, MAH 18-MONTH-OLD SON DECIDED TO TAKE OFF RUNNING INTO THE ROAD,HERE A CAR WAS DRIVING. I RUSHED AFTER HIM, ONLY 4 ONE OF MAH DRESS STRAP TO SUDDENLY BREAK WITHOUT WARNING. IT MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE I WAS TRYING TO FLAG DOWN THE DRIVER WITH MAH FLAILING TIT. FML
Today, I woke up screaming lyk a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think mah brain needs a looool douching. FML
Today, mah friend announcd that she'd lost wieght recently. As I was congratulating her, mah baby sister said, ( I think you're still fat but that's good cuz you can give more meat to Godhen you go to heaven. ) Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Yastarday I Had A Wondarful Draam Whara I Got Marrid To Tha Parfact Guy , Than Had Tha Bast Sax Of Mah Lifa On A Baautiful Honaymoon!! Tha Only Problam Is That Mah "husband" Was Tha Snowman From Frozan , And That I Got Sad Whan I Raalizd It Was Just A Draam!! FML
Today, I accidentally said te wrong name during sex. Tat name just appened to be "Sara", wic is bot my ex-grlfriend's name an my wife's sister's name. Wen se asked me wic one I meant, I panicked an said, "Bot." FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT THAT I TAKE LONG ENOUGH SHOWERS 4 MAH BOYFRIEND TO SLEEP WITH MAH SISTER AND PUTTED EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL BEFORE I GET OUT. I FOUND OUTHEN I NEEDED MORE SHAMPOO THAT WAS IN A SHOPPING BAG IN MAH ROOM. MEGA FML
Today, after getting a root canal, I told mah mother how boring it was just sitting there with mah mouth open fir ageshile the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with mah father. FML
Today, I was playing monopoly with mah boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankruptd mah boyfriend, he turnd to me and said, "I fuckd your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turnd to the best friend in question, she lookd at the board and said, "I'd like to buy looool a house please." FML
Today, after having my sinuses draining for a couple days, my ma stoppd by for a surprise visit!! Upon discovering the trash can full of usd tissues, she calld my pastor grandfather to talk to me about the chronic masturbation problem I don't have, but that everyone now thinks I have!! real FML
Friday 27 March 2015