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Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (59679) - you deserved it (5742)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32630) - you deserved it (7320)
On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19278) - you deserved it (4096)
On 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm - health - by WellShit (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7838) - you deserved it (23908)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States
Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21836) - you deserved it (3392)
On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10529) - you deserved it (15328)
On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23248) - you deserved it (1688)
On 09/19/2012 at 2:24am - intimacy - by annonymous - United States
Today, I found out my sister-in-law is getting married. She is one of my best friends, and was my maid of honor when I got married. She's asked me to serve punch at hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19304) - you deserved it (1765)
On 07/19/2012 at 3:29am - misc - by alaskaintexas - United States (Texas)
Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20356) - you deserved it (3782)
On 05/31/2012 at 2:50am - love - by Getmeout (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23201) - you deserved it (3652)
On 05/04/2012 at 8:25am - health - by CharlieOrion (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15874) - you deserved it (8641)
On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (41480)
On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States
Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35335) - you deserved it (2759)
On 01/14/2012 at 2:47am - health - by shitttyyyday - United States
Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (5850)
On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22675) - you deserved it (1975)
On 10/30/2011 at 12:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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