Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

twye

Offline (15 hours ago) | Search for a member

twye

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3092
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?

twye's page activity

Visits<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 10:09am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 6:15am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:43pm<b>Tezoma</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 6:39pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 5:42am<b>asylumlane</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 12:02am<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 10:37pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:32pm<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 1:08am<b>howard007</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 3:35am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:35pm<b>homesuckfucker</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 2:17am<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:44pm<b>I_Am_Lamp_</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:35pm<b>mynameisshaye</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 10:35pm<b>homes7d</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Mernfern</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 4:23am<b>olpally</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 7:10am

twye's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of twye's badges

twye's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

#19964945
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20908) - you deserved it (4292)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:45pm - health - by fxck (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11964) - you deserved it (40093)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

#19942597
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39835) - you deserved it (1850)

On 07/15/2012 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

#19942412
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35306) - you deserved it (3251)

On 07/15/2012 at 7:13pm - kids - by Zora (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

#19928978
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33459) - you deserved it (2847)

On 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by LetItRip - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

#19928485
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25060) - you deserved it (2415)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:28pm - work - by Ian Artis - United States

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33530) - you deserved it (4208)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

#19918640
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (2032)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18687) - you deserved it (6734)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

#19908748
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28950) - you deserved it (3102)

On 07/08/2012 at 7:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

#19908614
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20442) - you deserved it (5840)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

#19895683
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37357) - you deserved it (9198)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

#19887326
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36218) - you deserved it (3654)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by BunniesOnAcid - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

#19886014
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33130) - you deserved it (8311)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)



Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML
  • Hello everyone, how's it going? You doing OK? Friday is the right time to get your glad rags on, go out, meet your friends, have a drink, get your freak on, shoot the breeze, shoot some hoops, don't shoot…

Friday 30 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: