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twye

Offline (the 01/24/2015 at 4:39pm) | Search for a member

twye

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3047
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About twye : "See, the problem isn't that life is so short. It's the fact that death is so much longer." pbnjcakes.tumblr.com yo! :U | When did this become a hook-up site?

twye's page activity

Visits<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 10:09am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 6:15am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:43pm<b>Tezoma</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 6:39pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 5:42am<b>asylumlane</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 12:02am<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 10:37pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:32pm<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 1:08am<b>howard007</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 3:35am<b>missmorggan</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:35pm<b>homesuckfucker</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 2:17am<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:44pm<b>I_Am_Lamp_</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:35pm<b>mynameisshaye</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 10:35pm<b>homes7d</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Mernfern</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 4:23am<b>olpally</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 7:10am

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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twye's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

#20024961
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27145) - you deserved it (1711)

On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

#20022569
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26256) - you deserved it (4879)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

#20022255
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26879) - you deserved it (2895)

On 08/15/2012 at 7:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

#20020595
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (1626)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - United States

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

#20020311
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24361) - you deserved it (6895)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:17am - intimacy - by cl4ptp (woman) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

#20018901
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29316) - you deserved it (1809)

On 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm - misc - by jannister (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

#20018849
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25529) - you deserved it (4568)

On 08/13/2012 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (York)

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

#20018767
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28811) - you deserved it (1970)

On 08/13/2012 at 1:50pm - misc - by youmothERFUCKErs (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17430) - you deserved it (7236)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46898) - you deserved it (3062)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35404) - you deserved it (4406)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6466) - you deserved it (46920)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34594) - you deserved it (3747)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

#20009342
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6234) - you deserved it (45445)

On 08/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by FutureMarine3658 - United States (Utah)

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML



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