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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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twivy16

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twivy16
  • Town/Country : Fort lauderdale, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 7 November 1993 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 361
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twivy16 : My name is Ivana. But you can call me Ivy. Im fifteen, soon going on sixteen. Andddd i love meeting new people :)

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twivy16's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

#5708797 (152)

I agree, your life sucks (23045) - you deserved it (11085)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in charge of throwing a party for my mom. I told my little brother he was suppose to blow up the balloons which were in my dresser. Apparently, he accidentally found all my condoms, unknowingly, and decorated the house in prophylactics instead of balloons. Happy Birthday, Mom. FML

#3556945 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (36204) - you deserved it (18452)

On 07/07/2009 at 3:43pm - intimacy - by Ryan (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

#3555384 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (5062) - you deserved it (45926)

On 07/07/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

#3550843 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (12982) - you deserved it (41584)

On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML

#3531560 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (3864) - you deserved it (53172)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

#3528361 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (31033) - you deserved it (9913)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by WhitneyHouston (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

#3522499 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (43387) - you deserved it (5744)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

#3511573 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (31198) - you deserved it (2725)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:06pm - health - by yeasty (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

#3502310 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (8260) - you deserved it (34936)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)

Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

#3430057 (386)

I agree, your life sucks (15309) - you deserved it (34776)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by slightlyslow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

#3416455 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (8527) - you deserved it (31061)

On 07/02/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Kronic (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

#3395753 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (40057) - you deserved it (3140)

On 07/01/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by Liz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

#3375297 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (46787) - you deserved it (2887)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm - kids - by unluckycounsellor (woman) - Bermuda (Hamilton)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (6572)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

#3338347 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (49441) - you deserved it (3104)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:55pm - misc - by thatCanadianGuy7 - Canada (Alberta)