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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 16 November 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 677
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twitwi2000 : no comment

twitwi2000's page activity

Visits<b>someguy846</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 10:59pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 10:54pm<b>Captobvious19</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 2:46pm<b>stuckintime</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 12:30pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 11:57am<b>duduv2</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 3:59am<b>stevenJB</b> - the 11/24/2016 at 7:59pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 6:38am<b>RaNdOmIzEd2017</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 2:15am<b>BrazyNut</b> - the 10/10/2016 at 12:27pm<b>Soccer_Ninja01</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 1:56am<b>bigbrown24</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 5:26am<b>cwade71</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 9:27pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 5:11pm<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 7:50pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 8:54am<b>Rozza17</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 5:29am<b>slappygecko</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 6:08pm

Fucked!<b>duduv2</b> - the 11/25/2016 at 9:59am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 5:57pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 11/16/2016 at 12:38pm<b>Soccer_Ninja01</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 7:55am<b>Lct1196</b> - the 06/07/2016 at 5:06pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 10:57pm<b>Jake42100</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 10:02pm<b>SOILEDIT</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 2:33pm<b>lambda</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 8:04pm<b>Chinhull</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 7:51pm<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 12:48pm<b>Yazoo77</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 7:35am<b>queensassygoat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:05am<b>tompou6</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:20pm<b>Markovski</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 3:22am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 6:05pm<b>thunderfucked</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 10:50am<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 9:46am

twitwi2000's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of twitwi2000's badges

twitwi2000's favorite FMLs

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

by both are dimwitted / 12/23/2014 at 1:32pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

by fuckmyjob / 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

by NextTimeMom'sDriving / 06/11/2014 at 12:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

by i suck, this i know :( / 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm / Malawi (Blantyre) / Love

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

by fuck family / 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm / Poland (Dolnoslaskie) / Love

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

by great / 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

by cj123 / 12/23/2011 at 3:43am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous