Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

twitwi2000

Search for a member

twitwi2000

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 77
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twitwi2000 : Ask for my number (:

twitwi2000's page activity

Visits<b>kunal222</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:35pm<b>superwolf33</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:57am<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 3:36pm<b>Llama_Face89</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 1:25pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 2:19pm<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:23am<b>okcnation</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 6:16am<b>Joe_Valdez25</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 7:36am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 8:34pm<b>jellybeens</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 6:54pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 6:32pm<b>AFCCT</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:39pm<b>matt300</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 1:57pm<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 12:06am<b>dk1991</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 12:39am<b>1tsmenoah</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 2:37pm<b>waitwhatsgoingon</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 12:44am<b>Feijai</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 12:41am

twitwi2000's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of twitwi2000's badges

twitwi2000's favorite FMLs

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40396) - you deserved it (8862)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

#21170877
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46114) - you deserved it (3771)

On 06/11/2014 at 12:41pm - misc - by NextTimeMom'sDriving (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53535) - you deserved it (4813)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

#20805096
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28029) - you deserved it (64231)

On 07/26/2013 at 6:11pm - love - by i suck, this i know :( (man) - Malawi (Blantyre)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

#20788678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (4286)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49128) - you deserved it (8632)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

#20764588
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59070) - you deserved it (3323)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

#20673360
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (5663)

On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47011) - you deserved it (6391)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71281) - you deserved it (6070)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (5358)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

#18586470
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22869) - you deserved it (4561)

On 12/23/2011 at 3:43am - misc - by cj123 - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: