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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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twirlingqueen4u

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twirlingqueen4u
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 604
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

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twirlingqueen4u's favorite FMLs

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

#17512926 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (18214) - you deserved it (5129)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by BigmouthStrikesAgain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

#16925056 (260)

I agree, your life sucks (9146) - you deserved it (22766)

On 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm - misc - by Nell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

#16448607 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (13713) - you deserved it (1733)

On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613 (255)

I agree, your life sucks (30951) - you deserved it (19962) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

#13403987 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (20517) - you deserved it (6661)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667 (440)

I agree, your life sucks (34962) - you deserved it (10176)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

#13331304 (154)

I agree, your life sucks (9907) - you deserved it (20122)

On 10/05/2010 at 5:01pm - animals - by jabba (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

#13137584 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (6435) - you deserved it (17339)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:38am - health - by meowmeow - Australia

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

#13094765 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (21508) - you deserved it (1660)

On 09/18/2010 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

#13087587 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (16507) - you deserved it (4691)

On 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by huwauw (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (13622) - you deserved it (3931)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

#13034308 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (17259) - you deserved it (1587)

On 09/13/2010 at 12:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (28800) - you deserved it (7269)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (25767) - you deserved it (2612)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (21727) - you deserved it (3248)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States