About twilightriforce : "There is nothing worse than an enlightened idiot."
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twilightriforce's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 3:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/17/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by saddened97 / 01/20/2011 at 4:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by MackeyBoy / 01/23/2010 at 1:15pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML
by dammitall / 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML
by Lastsecondstand / 04/06/2009 at 12:39am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML
by fjafja / 03/07/2009 at 1:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML
by yankeebelle / 03/05/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her… Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then… Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny…