Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

tweetypie

Offline (the 07/10/2014 at 1:37pm) | Search for a member

tweetypie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1448
  • Number of comments : 103
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 35 posted

About tweetypie : I like cheese fries.

tweetypie's page activity

Visits<b>alexmisty88</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 9:19am<b>blackhawkdown69</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 2:10pm<b>abombination</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 1:44am<b>Chineseaznxd</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:34pm<b>efettes</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 8:40pm<b>91hayek</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 4:56am<b>okcnation</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 1:03pm<b>Purrrvana</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:33am<b>dakid87</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 8:59am<b>Snugmybaby95</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 5:58am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:23am<b>therosalina</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 1:51am<b>kiki9</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 10:38pm<b>coltonte3</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:32pm<b>druidboy</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:06pm<b>FuckYouScience12</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 1:38pm<b>Martyna0611</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:46pm<b>PotatoPal</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 12:17pm

tweetypie's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

See all of tweetypie's badges

tweetypie's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

#17628239
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9524) - you deserved it (22314)

On 08/31/2011 at 7:07am - misc - by greatdriver...4 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

#17611164
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25607) - you deserved it (9302)

On 08/29/2011 at 8:46am - love - by True Story - Canada

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31277) - you deserved it (5431)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

#17575324
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27909) - you deserved it (4155)

On 08/25/2011 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Puppy Loverr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML

#17573986
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24216) - you deserved it (2331)

On 08/25/2011 at 12:24am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19930) - you deserved it (41570)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

#17509957
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20661) - you deserved it (6395)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:40pm - animals - by princessbbee - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

#17482360
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (3511)

On 08/15/2011 at 5:38pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12666) - you deserved it (33869)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

#17410758
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30928) - you deserved it (12131)

On 08/08/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML

#17392866
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38973) - you deserved it (3932)

On 08/07/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by Taylor D - United States (Virginia)

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

#17188929
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43373) - you deserved it (3557)

On 07/20/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by therundown - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

#17177083
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37195) - you deserved it (4701)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by PissNTra - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

#17167728
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33357) - you deserved it (11342)

On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

#17078615
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (2775)

On 07/12/2011 at 9:34am - misc - by Ghettogirl4life - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: