Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

tweetypie

Search for a member

tweetypie
  • Town/Country : NYC, Murica'
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 January 1995 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1044
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About tweetypie : I'm a buff baby who can dance like a man, I can shake'a my fanny,I can shake'a my can, I'm a tough tootin' baby,I can puncha your buns, I can puncha your buns,I can punch all your buns, If you're an evil witch,I will punch you for fun!

tweetypie's last visitors

thebeast74the_rude_dude91hayekZY1431baba01HeyTherexxxwikkedgurlCian_1cdw2014

tweetypie's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of tweetypie's badges

tweetypie's favorite FMLs

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

#17188929
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39349) - you deserved it (3268)

On 07/20/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by therundown - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

#17177083
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32185) - you deserved it (3594)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by PissNTra - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

#17167728
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32100) - you deserved it (10994)

On 07/18/2011 at 8:36pm - kids - by stargirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

#17078615
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26415) - you deserved it (2601)

On 07/12/2011 at 9:34am - misc - by Ghettogirl4life - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that the landscaping job I started three weeks ago is actually for an illicit business run by a hippie who pissed away the entire payroll to fund his drug habit. He has no way of coughing up the $900 he owes me. I'm broke as hell, and my electricity is now going to get cut off. FML

#17032742
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (3778)

On 07/08/2011 at 8:12pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML

#16432657
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (4576)

On 05/31/2011 at 8:44am - health - by mrsekko - United States

Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML

#15991083
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29914) - you deserved it (20052)

On 04/30/2011 at 1:50pm - health - by Laci (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

#15753750
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9185) - you deserved it (116769)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:01am - health - by sadcase - Australia

Today, I found a hidden camera in my room equipped with night vision and a microphone. My parents have been spying on me for at least the past year. FML

#14406121
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33683) - you deserved it (2510)

On 12/31/2010 at 4:55am - misc - by Kellie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

#14058992
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31857) - you deserved it (9142)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

#13874873
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (7222)

On 11/17/2010 at 8:26am - misc - by mydadsawsooomuch (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

#13874494
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30775) - you deserved it (2651)

On 11/17/2010 at 7:09am - work - by mommy (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

#13797443
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9556) - you deserved it (27400)

On 11/11/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

#13293107
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38918) - you deserved it (9272)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

#12530276
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38945) - you deserved it (3454)

On 08/15/2010 at 12:12am - animals - by goodbye-college (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: