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tweetypie

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tweetypie
  • Town/Country : NYC, Murica'
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 28 January 1995 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1060
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About tweetypie : I'm a buff baby who can dance like a man, I can shake'a my fanny,I can shake'a my can, I'm a tough tootin' baby,I can puncha your buns, I can puncha your buns,I can punch all your buns, If you're an evil witch,I will punch you for fun!

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tweetypie's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41224) - you deserved it (5221)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38847) - you deserved it (5617)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

#18892690
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24411) - you deserved it (1816)

On 01/23/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

#18859925
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12664) - you deserved it (24599)

On 01/20/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by MyHeadHurts (man) - Ireland

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

#18855245
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6278) - you deserved it (70632)

On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

#18744677
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42090) - you deserved it (36801)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

#18705736
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25306) - you deserved it (2249)

On 01/04/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27722) - you deserved it (4407)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27722) - you deserved it (4407)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

#18614402
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30726) - you deserved it (4957)

On 12/26/2011 at 6:48am - intimacy - by Sally - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

#18588984
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23256) - you deserved it (4016)

On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

#18576133
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23897) - you deserved it (3079)

On 12/22/2011 at 12:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

#18568615
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14253) - you deserved it (19603)

On 12/21/2011 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Nicki (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

#18559363
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40103) - you deserved it (4835)

On 12/20/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Pimpleeater (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)



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