twaumat

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Offline (the 12/07/2015 at 1:15am)

twaumat

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3380
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twaumat : I am far from perfect, but she loves me anyways

twaumat's page activity

Visits<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 2:52pm<b>arisanator9900</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 9:50pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 1:40am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 10:48pm<b>schroederk</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 1:39am<b>uatittielicker</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:18am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 1:27am<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 6:27am<b>MiLM</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:52am<b>daGun</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:48am<b>memed</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:16pm<b>tamannab97</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 1:19am<b>futureot1</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:49pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:21pm<b>sharonguan</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 11:07pm<b>paintedchocolate</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 1:08pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:09pm<b>miley_g</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 2:29pm

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 3:48pm<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:27pm

twaumat's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

See all of twaumat's badges

twaumat's favorite FMLs

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

by .... / 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML

by hannah / 04/14/2009 at 11:21am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

by warp_routine / 03/31/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Vermont) / Health

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

by Dr. Virgin / 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

by PlayTag / 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

by frankrizzo / 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous