twaumat

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Offline (the 12/07/2015 at 1:15am)

twaumat

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3452
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twaumat : I am far from perfect, but she loves me anyways

twaumat's page activity

Visits<b>naajster</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 5:34pm<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 2:52pm<b>arisanator9900</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 9:50pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 1:40am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 10:48pm<b>schroederk</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 1:39am<b>uatittielicker</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:18am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 1:27am<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 6:27am<b>MiLM</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:52am<b>daGun</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:48am<b>memed</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:16pm<b>tamannab97</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 1:19am<b>futureot1</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:49pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:21pm<b>sharonguan</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 11:07pm<b>paintedchocolate</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 1:08pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:09pm

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 3:48pm<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:27pm

twaumat's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

See all of twaumat's badges

twaumat's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

by wut / 08/05/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Health

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

by mcase / 07/31/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

by BunniesOnAcid / 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm / Health

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

by abbielane / 06/25/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

by tubby / 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm / Sweden (Blekinge Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

by tubby / 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm / Sweden (Blekinge Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

by ww2freak / 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

by whattdafuuukkkk / 06/05/2012 at 7:56am / United States / Work

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

by mhm / 05/05/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

by A Henderson / 04/25/2012 at 4:50pm / United States / Work

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy