twaumat

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Offline (the 12/07/2015 at 1:15am)

twaumat

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 November 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3551
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twaumat : I am far from perfect, but she loves me anyways

twaumat's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 10:02pm<b>naajster</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 5:34pm<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 2:52pm<b>arisanator9900</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 9:50pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 1:40am<b>schroederk</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 1:39am<b>uatittielicker</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:18am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 1:27am<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 6:27am<b>MiLM</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:52am<b>daGun</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 11:48am<b>memed</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 1:16pm<b>tamannab97</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 1:19am<b>futureot1</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:49pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:21pm<b>sharonguan</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 11:07pm<b>paintedchocolate</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 1:08pm<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:09pm

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 3:48pm<b>Sonata90</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 12:27pm

twaumat's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

See all of twaumat's badges

twaumat's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

by ilivehere / 07/17/2013 at 10:20am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

by Stacy / 07/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States / Love

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

by authorx / 06/27/2013 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

by InconsiderateMuch / 06/16/2013 at 2:11pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

by Kay / 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm / India (Andhra Pradesh) / Intimacy

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

by mammasboy / 05/21/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm / Sweden (Varmlands Lan) / Intimacy