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twaumat

Offline (the 08/26/2014 at 2:10am) | Search for a member

twaumat

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 25 November 1991 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1397
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About twaumat : I am far from perfect, but she loves me anyways

twaumat's page activity

Visits<b>JustTemporary</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 2:30am<b>kubackster</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:59pm<b>katherhinooo</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:19am<b>Cassius326</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 2:21am<b>Emmalyne606777</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 8:49pm<b>this_comment</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 11:41am<b>KailaWayla</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:56am<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 1:45pm<b>jentlemen</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 5:36pm<b>Tbear11</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:21pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 2:12pm<b>anonymous188</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 8:07am<b>xDochx</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 4:15am<b>Donkness</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 10:52pm<b>gingerface81</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 12:58am<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 03/31/2014 at 9:27am<b>hihello18</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 7:17am<b>xstrumaticx</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 8:49pm

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twaumat's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52198) - you deserved it (18498)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (89038)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56152) - you deserved it (5986)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55134) - you deserved it (5024)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found my elderly neighbour on all fours in my garden eating my flowers. FML

#20836671
111 comments

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

#20831181
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49665) - you deserved it (3936)

On 08/10/2013 at 8:04pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22762) - you deserved it (44037)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

#20825918
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45416) - you deserved it (3621)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by hardee fucking har yourself, sir (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57591) - you deserved it (4390)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

#20817997
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43686) - you deserved it (7713)

On 08/03/2013 at 12:29am - kids - by kimm1993 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49731) - you deserved it (3542)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42205) - you deserved it (7594)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

#20796202
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49024) - you deserved it (3481)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm - work - by Gross (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

#20793573
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40290) - you deserved it (9777)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by imawesomeokay (woman) - Mexico (Jalisco)



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