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About tvnton2 : Ima effing ninja and huge Harry Potter and Maximum Ride fan.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, desperate for my boyfriend to notice me for once, I started noisily masturbating while he was playing World of Warcraft. His response was to put his headphones on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29432) - you deserved it (7857)
On 09/23/2011 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21020) - you deserved it (61066)
On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29455) - you deserved it (2838)
On 12/15/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (7736)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8168) - you deserved it (24159)
On 10/24/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by stickyface (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35597) - you deserved it (3191)
On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15339) - you deserved it (21133)
On 08/12/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30756) - you deserved it (2702)
On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10790) - you deserved it (39957)
On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10436) - you deserved it (26019)
On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22569) - you deserved it (6853)
On 04/02/2010 at 8:31pm - animals - by BigBangrocksthenight (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18206) - you deserved it (3034)
On 03/15/2010 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7889) - you deserved it (11812)
On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out how mature the guy I'm seeing is. After sex, he took the condom off and hit me in the face with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19865) - you deserved it (4276)
On 03/07/2010 at 9:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27898) - you deserved it (1573)
On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)
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