Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

turtles4life

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

turtles4life

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 544
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About turtles4life : I love animals and my pic is of my new puppy Loki! I also have a kitty and she is my baby ❤️

turtles4life's page activity

Visits<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 12:41am<b>ROMAD</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:58pm<b>shine999</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:54pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 4:18pm<b>Ayezed</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:00am<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 7:48am<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 9:57pm<b>waitwhatsgoingon</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 4:24am<b>killer0689</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 7:02am<b>Goldilocks1</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 9:50pm<b>TheCrispyCat</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:25am<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 1:38pm<b>aruam365</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:33am<b>OhNoAGhost</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:20am<b>snorgia</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:03am<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 8:05pm<b>Defalt</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 3:02am<b>TwentyFourBeerz</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 10:53pm

turtles4life's FML badges

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of turtles4life's badges

turtles4life's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

#21175899
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43661) - you deserved it (4926)

On 06/15/2014 at 8:21pm - work - by caleighrossi - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

#21170087
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49283) - you deserved it (8220)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

#21168476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34872) - you deserved it (8491)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm - animals - by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

#21155774
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44888) - you deserved it (5536)

On 05/29/2014 at 11:18am - kids - by bananna - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58972) - you deserved it (4559)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

#21153319
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45201) - you deserved it (3747)

On 05/27/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46355) - you deserved it (6406)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46948) - you deserved it (4025)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

#21139874
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39751) - you deserved it (3519)

On 05/14/2014 at 5:46pm - misc - by chellegbelle - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41069) - you deserved it (15319)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42355) - you deserved it (5544)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51984) - you deserved it (4699)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: