Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

turtles4life

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

turtles4life

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1685
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About turtles4life : I love animals and my pic is of my new puppy Loki! I also have a kitty and she is my baby ❤️

turtles4life's page activity

Visits<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:11am<b>Clam_igger</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 2:59pm<b>mrjc</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 1:25pm<b>ilovemsminaj</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 7:59am<b>olpally</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 1:12am<b>Raleaf</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 12:57am<b>DylanHasClass</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 12:49am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 11:35pm<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 10:03pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 8:15pm<b>ironhead</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 7:58pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 7:35pm<b>ohjoy15</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 6:56pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 6:43pm<b>alexandreawynter</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 6:42pm<b>skylercoombs</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 9:31pm<b>Ins3rtEpicName</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 1:26am<b>mosquito19</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 1:07am

Liked!<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 4:03am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 5:06pm

turtles4life's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of turtles4life's badges

turtles4life's favorite FMLs

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you deserved it (4514)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

#21345551
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28440) - you deserved it (2229)

On 01/28/2015 at 10:01am - work - by retailshell (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (7518)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

#21303227
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30444) - you deserved it (3256)

On 11/21/2014 at 8:51am - misc - by UTRejected (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34371) - you deserved it (12296)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (3737)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42425) - you deserved it (11622)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

#21261625
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33532) - you deserved it (5217)

On 09/20/2014 at 2:54am - misc - by pasquale - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41094) - you deserved it (3969)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

#21253498
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36412) - you deserved it (4878)

On 09/07/2014 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45373) - you deserved it (5925)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: