turtlemanz

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Offline (the 07/21/2016 at 3:59pm)

turtlemanz

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 December 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2196
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About turtlemanz : Canadian

turtlemanz's page activity

Visits<b>Snip_Snap</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 10:05pm<b>lucythomson</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 10:08am<b>Mortoli</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 3:10am<b>hulmeman</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:00pm<b>Amiiii</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 1:23pm<b>isum21</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 9:24pm<b>Valcannos</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 3:11pm<b>InsertLifeThere</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 4:01pm<b>RA91</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 6:54pm<b>rozline96</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 3:33pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:07pm<b>Sonjington</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 2:01pm<b>agustibaarn</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:38am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:38am<b>XxduckiexX</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 11:10pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:31pm<b>ThunderTheRad</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 2:33pm<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 1:29pm

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50 favourites

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turtlemanz's favorite FMLs

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

by DutchOven / 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

by LondonKitsch / 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

by toomuchmetal / 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

by fmlfmlfml / 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals