Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

turtlemansam

Offline (the 05/27/2014 at 6:04am) | Search for a member

turtlemansam

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 28 October 1980 (33 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1447
  • Number of comments : 118
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

About turtlemansam : Im Sam.

turtlemansam's page activity

Visits<b>JackDaddy13</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 7:49pm<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 3:02pm<b>purplebabytacos1</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 4:23am<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 11:12pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 3:17pm<b>Tuffmuffin</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 3:00pm<b>Daylightscar</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 9:27pm<b>DaDezza244</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:11am<b>odod777</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 10:09am<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 11:10pm<b>Iwannabetreo</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 8:57pm<b>0117</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 2:20pm<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 6:28pm<b>swasher</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:06pm<b>zarosian</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 4:43pm<b>chance12497</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 6:37pm<b>Carrotop12</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 3:20pm<b>Donkness</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 7:49pm

turtlemansam's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

turtlemansam's favorite FMLs

Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML

#16732224
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23329) - you deserved it (7564)

On 06/18/2011 at 5:49pm - misc - by Stormy - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

#16725871
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9600) - you deserved it (100709)

On 06/18/2011 at 6:32am - health - by princev - United States

Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML

#14024877
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29569) - you deserved it (3503)

On 11/29/2010 at 4:17pm - kids - by nybaby - United States (New York)

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (12445)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

#13842142
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22522) - you deserved it (3800)

On 11/14/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by cerealfail -

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

#13653489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24056) - you deserved it (5383)

On 10/30/2010 at 7:46pm - misc - by demaris (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

#13109561
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26629) - you deserved it (2436)

On 09/19/2010 at 3:31am - love - by messyfamily (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

#13109561
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26629) - you deserved it (2436)

On 09/19/2010 at 3:31am - love - by messyfamily (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

#10894032
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (63920)

On 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by anonomus - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

#4854155
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44694) - you deserved it (8672)

On 08/27/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by gonebabygone - United States (Arizona)

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

#4539683
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67862) - you deserved it (3846)

On 08/15/2009 at 12:32am - money - by Shadyblood (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

#409168
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95109) - you deserved it (7666)

On 03/17/2009 at 8:16am - money - by Recon (man) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
998 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71074) - you deserved it (739887)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

#6
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88304) - you deserved it (40311)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:19am - love - by mocass’1 (woman) - France



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: