turtlellama

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turtlellama

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 42579
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

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turtlellama's page activity

Visits<b>missmorggan</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 9:58am<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 6:07am<b>am1717</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 1:09pm<b>Renegade_Rushers</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 1:00am<b>Jaydacookie</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 2:49am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 5:22am<b>totallynotemily</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 9:55am<b>eagleriverjohn</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 1:30pm<b>henrylikestreats</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 2:07am<b>Haiitzmizzy</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 1:02am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 1:48pm<b>vlalam</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 11:20pm<b>seanreddog</b> - the 12/22/2009 at 9:00pm<b>prplr</b> - the 08/21/2009 at 1:37pm<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 08/20/2009 at 8:18pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/19/2009 at 5:45pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 08/14/2009 at 12:22pm<b>huis</b> - the 08/04/2009 at 2:39pm

turtlellama's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

turtlellama's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

by fedexed / 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

by iJehx / 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

by stupiddddddd / 07/08/2009 at 3:28am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

by icecreamer / 07/06/2009 at 12:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

by R_U_CEREAL / 07/04/2009 at 4:58am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

by TheHatedOne / 06/21/2009 at 3:26am / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

by ilikeirishducks / 06/19/2009 at 9:51am / Italy / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

by Jessica / 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

by Jessica / 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

by mistake / 05/11/2009 at 5:09am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

by lopez / 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm / Work