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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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turtlellama

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turtlellama
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 31 December 1993 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 41261
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

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turtlellama's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

#4081903 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (33233) - you deserved it (6572)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

#3791674 (317)

I agree, your life sucks (64055) - you deserved it (2419)

On 07/16/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

#3723567 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (5977) - you deserved it (43894)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

#3575019 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (42969) - you deserved it (6336)

On 07/08/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by stupiddddddd (woman) - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

#3517993 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (29544) - you deserved it (8140)

On 07/06/2009 at 12:03am - money - by icecreamer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (52931) - you deserved it (9004)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

#3083519 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (34732)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by TheHatedOne (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML

#3025655 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (36498) - you deserved it (13733)

On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

#1942963 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (24560) - you deserved it (30223)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (75104) - you deserved it (3208)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

#929724 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (58449) - you deserved it (8796)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then walked into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poking his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML

#878433 (735)

I agree, your life sucks (29247) - you deserved it (210129)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228675) - you deserved it (19499)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362914) - you deserved it (401234)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I need to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone has left work, I decide that, since I AM a jedi, my penis ought to be my Light saber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: “At least someone is having fun!” It was my boss. FML

#523 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (4984) - you deserved it (17007)

On 12/15/2008 at 10:58pm - work - by lopez - Sent from mobile version