Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

turtkko

Online | Search for a member

turtkko

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 January 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 358
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

turtkko's page activity

Visits<b>mayleennyc</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 2:03pm<b>anonymous188</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 12:03am<b>JMichael</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 8:54pm<b>ollie179</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 11:52am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/27/2013 at 12:37am<b>DocBastard</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 5:10pm

turtkko's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of turtkko's badges

turtkko's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

#21250455
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18849) - you deserved it (4076)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:32am - intimacy - by ihatejasonderulo - United Kingdom (Hounslow)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33470) - you deserved it (6241)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42621) - you deserved it (7409)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

#21225439
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39127) - you deserved it (4346)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:00am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

#21220657
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (4483)

On 07/25/2014 at 10:06pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51994) - you deserved it (16825)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

#21148769
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46581) - you deserved it (14422)

On 05/22/2014 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45676) - you deserved it (5284)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (6505)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (15314)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39998) - you deserved it (6713)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65078) - you deserved it (32546)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

#21107568
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35734) - you deserved it (4300)

On 04/08/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Veneto)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: