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trukillapanda

Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 10:48pm) | Search for a member

trukillapanda

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  • Number of visits : 526
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trukillapanda's favorite FMLs

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

#20856967
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45357) - you deserved it (6602)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm - love - by dhskkf (man) - United States

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44930) - you deserved it (11028)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

#20856532
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35458) - you deserved it (18612)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:13pm - health - by anditburnsburnsburns - United States (Virginia)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48537) - you deserved it (8066) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35964) - you deserved it (4019)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56195) - you deserved it (4068)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51619) - you deserved it (13496)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

#20853767
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36478) - you deserved it (9335)

On 08/25/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

#20852134
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40554) - you deserved it (15104)

On 08/24/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by cpmolly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52881) - you deserved it (15733)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

#20850669
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43511) - you deserved it (10835)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40234) - you deserved it (11165)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

#20850438
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43576) - you deserved it (9413)

On 08/23/2013 at 3:40am - misc - by seriously? -

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

#20848839
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45918) - you deserved it (14882)

On 08/22/2013 at 1:31am - work - by Kingofbosses (man) - United States

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52967) - you deserved it (3304)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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