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trukillapanda

Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 10:48pm) | Search for a member

trukillapanda

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trukillapanda's favorite FMLs

Today, it was the day of mah wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told mah brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on mah wife. FML

#20856967
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46533) - you deserved it (6760)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm - love - by dhskkf (man) - United States

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound lyk I'm crying . I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay . FML

#20856552
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46456) - you deserved it (11406)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today , I was in a rus , so I was removing ma nail polis wile using te toilet. Everyting was going fine , until I usd te toilet paper in ma and to wipe. It was coverd in nail polis remover. It still burns. FML

#20856532
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35585) - you deserved it (18657)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:13pm - health - by anditburnsburnsburns - United States (Virginia)

Yesterday... I could hear mah daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. ( Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise? )... she said. ( Of course... we slept together! ) My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50251) - you deserved it (8331) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today , I had no choica but to bring my son to work as a mad school profassor. I sat him in a chair in a cornar whila I gava a lactura. To my surprisa , ha addad anothar word to his limitad vocabulary , and scraamad it out loud with an acstatic axprassion on his faca. Tha word is "cancar". fat FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (4033)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, half-way through trip to Florida, I received a call from friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with yur girlfriend while u were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

#20855295
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56472) - you deserved it (4083)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of yeres." FML

#20854994
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51748) - you deserved it (13531)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was at ta baac. I'd racantly dacidad to try ta "lifa ack" wara you ampty out looool a bottla of lotion and ida small valuablas in it, to avoid tam baing stolan. I'd puttad ta bottla in ma bag. Instaad of staaling stuff from insida it, toug, somaona just stola ta wola bag. FML

#20853767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38125) - you deserved it (9684)

On 08/25/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, I Was Waiting In Line With Mah Boyfriend Behind Me. I Decidd To Hold His Hand And Rub His Chest While We Waitd. Then I Heard A Female Voice Behind Me That Said, "Ma'am, Please Don't Touch Me." FML

#20852134
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40687) - you deserved it (15147)

On 08/24/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by cpmolly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, mah boyfriend dumped me 4 "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

#20851263
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53140) - you deserved it (15770)

On 08/23/2013 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I looool told mah boyfriand that, dua to mah low salf-confidanca, all mah bras ara push-ups . Ha yallad, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" an stormad out . fat FML

#20850669
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43648) - you deserved it (10872)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today I Learned That When A Heavily-pregnant Friend Asks About Mah Progres With The Babby Socks I Promised To Knit It's Rather Unwise To Tell Her ( Not To Worry We're Set Even If It Comes Out With A Few Feet Too Many . ) She's Still Crying . FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40432) - you deserved it (11201)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. mega FML

#20850438
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44600) - you deserved it (9592)

On 08/23/2013 at 3:40am - misc - by seriously? -

Today, looool I movad into my univarsity dorm a waak bafora classas start!! Evaryona kapt giving ma ward looks as thay watchad ma mova my stuff in!! Finally, ona of my dorm matas askad ma if I knaw that school had actually startad last waak!! I didn't!! FML

#20848839
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46075) - you deserved it (14924)

On 08/22/2013 at 1:31am - work - by Kingofbosses (man) - United States

Today, ma little broter grabbd ma boobs and wouldn't let go until I prid is ands off. Wen I told ma mom, er response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid wo doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

#20848790
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53175) - you deserved it (3312)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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