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trukillapanda

Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 10:48pm) | Search for a member

trukillapanda

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  • Number of visits : 525
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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trukillapanda's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

#3723567
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8318) - you deserved it (59632)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

#3635779
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48421) - you deserved it (3220)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:50am - misc - by icanunderstand (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

#3484345
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53793) - you deserved it (5182)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by BrokenHearted (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

#3427303
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36850) - you deserved it (8443)

On 07/02/2009 at 2:10pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

#3423301
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55110) - you deserved it (4422)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:31am - love - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

#3361176
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15587) - you deserved it (87198)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:20am - love - by annoyedguy (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

#3331987
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50415) - you deserved it (13050)

On 06/29/2009 at 2:31am - love - by ipopnlok (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8938) - you deserved it (115106)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

#3109528
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36186) - you deserved it (18525)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by FathersDay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41220) - you deserved it (2358)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

#2885817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45739) - you deserved it (3422)

On 06/14/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Coolkid. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

#2839886
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61858) - you deserved it (4196)

On 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm - love - by vickyxanne (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

#2822887
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87597) - you deserved it (9949)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108375) - you deserved it (4838)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78455) - you deserved it (5092)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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