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Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 10:48pm)



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trukillapanda's FML badges

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trukillapanda's favorite FMLs

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

by smashyonewfloors / 08/31/2013 at 12:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

by Tag / 08/31/2013 at 12:30am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML

by no life to fuck :/ / 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

by IronSkye / 08/29/2013 at 6:55am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry / 08/29/2013 at 6:44am / Love

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2013 at 5:38am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

by marryinghimanyway / 08/28/2013 at 10:21pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

by Kannachan13 / 08/28/2013 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

by Thanks everyone / 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my sister announced that she and her boyfriend are getting married. Her boyfriend is my husband. We're not even legally divorced yet. FML

by still together / 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

by Grandmas lost it / 08/28/2013 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

by nowork / 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

by the other man / 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love