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Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16300) - you totally deserved it (38252)
On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51039) - you totally deserved it (5028)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43451) - you totally deserved it (9975)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10153) - you totally deserved it (30525)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I found out my parents joined the mile high club. While I was on the plane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50973) - you totally deserved it (2640)
On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
I agree, your life sucks (44430) - you totally deserved it (1783)
On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML
I agree, your life sucks (36450) - you totally deserved it (5147)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11446) - you totally deserved it (59660)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and proceeded to sing " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43119) - you totally deserved it (4761)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10598) - you totally deserved it (38166)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40212) - you totally deserved it (32650)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20268) - you totally deserved it (25488)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancee, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancee for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101628) - you totally deserved it (2420)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47384) - you totally deserved it (2837)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML
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On 05/13/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by paprgrl421 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
