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treeguy72's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
by openmouthinsertfoot / 12/07/2010 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by pst / 11/20/2010 at 8:06pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I had great sex and afterward decided to take a shower together. He left the room to get some towels, so I went to the bathroom and wait. I walked out of his room wearing nothing but a thong and ran into his mom who had come home from work early. FML
by kay_jay1819 / 11/19/2010 at 12:04am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/18/2010 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by rockefoe / 11/15/2010 at 3:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by nicki / 11/14/2010 at 12:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:36am / Reserved / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML
by roberto / 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…