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toxic_walrus

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toxic_walrus

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 789
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About toxic_walrus : love the office and doctor who, aspiring special effects artist, and a sarcastic asshole. But a friendly sarcastic asshole :] Anyway, message me if you wanna, I love meeting people!

toxic_walrus's page activity

Visits<b>GIGA_IMPACT</b> - 12 hours ago<b>Vman1702</b> - 22 hours ago<b>euphoricness</b> - yesterday at 11:53am<b>zombieperson</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 6:28pm<b>dabears1011234</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 3:19am<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 10:11pm<b>salman_albalushi</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 9:11pm<b>Frostyandfries</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:59am<b>Mightytall</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:49am<b>teeheeowned</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:49am<b>anrou8</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:46am<b>boredtillZzz</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:45am<b>brandoneyez1</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:39am<b>jazlynnefaith</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 10:36am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:30am<b>thepurplewalrus</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 10:18pm<b>VyronBuckingham</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 7:27pm<b>nela25</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 2:05am

toxic_walrus's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of toxic_walrus's badges

toxic_walrus's favorite FMLs

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47429) - you deserved it (3305)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

#21206966
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37527) - you deserved it (5656)

On 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28612) - you deserved it (41768)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56047) - you deserved it (2982)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML

#21171341
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (4394)

On 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

#21164043
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51899) - you deserved it (3759)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm - kids - by bastards (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

#21159630
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42623) - you deserved it (11162)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:15pm - work - by ugh - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45829) - you deserved it (32583)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML

#21146042
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40950) - you deserved it (8053)

On 05/20/2014 at 5:54am - misc - by sothishappened (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51046) - you deserved it (6930)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

#21138836
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52931) - you deserved it (8380)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm - animals - by dating a big bag of dicks (woman) - United States

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

#21138395
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48676) - you deserved it (7454)

On 05/13/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

#21137630
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51077) - you deserved it (5024)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:38am - misc - by Lookalike (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58623) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -



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