Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 7:17am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 May 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 172
  • Number of comments : 106
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About touch_phobia : I am an introvert, my passion is animals, and I have a touch phobia. 2 ferrets, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 4 aquariums, I love school. I don't belong to any fandoms but I love Sweeney Todd and Slenderman . I am a computer nerd and code websites (fluent in HTML, CSS, JS, JQUERY, PHP, and I am learning MYSQL), and design graphics. Oh and yes I'm a vegetarian but I don't "preach" my beliefs to anyone who doesn't ask. If you eat meat I don't care, it's your choice.

touch_phobia's page activity

Visits<b>weraru</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 12:16pm<b>kinkysexter</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 5:31am<b>Golfer23</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 9:47pm<b>firefighterbee</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 3:22am<b>Joe_Valdez25</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 3:22pm<b>super3286</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:33pm<b>A07</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 4:47am<b>greaterdane</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:16am<b>LeoChen</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 10:12pm<b>drshn</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 6:23pm<b>ostfaiz</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 2:25pm<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 1:48pm<b>scarletpenguin</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 8:33am<b>Flowtastic</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 12:40am<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 6:34pm<b>nightwings</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 3:31pm<b>Skyy_Girl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 9:52pm<b>drpepper31478</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 11:35pm

touch_phobia's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of touch_phobia's badges

touch_phobia's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45518) - you deserved it (8542)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (9331)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML


Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40121) - you deserved it (4085)

On 11/26/2013 at 10:11pm - work - by tortured (man) - United States

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36813) - you deserved it (9144)

On 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by fack (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30085) - you deserved it (3468)

On 12/08/2010 at 3:22am - intimacy - by ooblie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML


I agree, your life sucks (7702) - you deserved it (33403)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12201) - you deserved it (64243)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49280) - you deserved it (18214)

On 08/13/2009 at 9:46pm - intimacy - by onehundredpercenteffed (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34164) - you deserved it (10950)

On 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm - work - by hellogoodbye (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML


I agree, your life sucks (63650) - you deserved it (8172)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22210) - you deserved it (1652)

On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: