About tootsie68 : Hello there! Thank you for creepily stalking me. You may go along your way now...
tootsie68's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
tootsie68's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
by the_lonely_life / 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
by stephscort / 05/11/2013 at 9:32am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML
by QueenOrangeSoda / 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Love
Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML
by zahra_786 / 04/11/2013 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML
by ohgodwhyyoufreaks / 04/01/2013 at 7:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
by Hooker / 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…