About tootsie68 : Hello there! Thank you for creepily stalking me. You may go along your way now...
tootsie68's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
tootsie68's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my mom admitted that her story about my dad leaving us for his current wife was a lie. He left when he caught her with a coworker. She blocked his number and got a restraining order to keep him from telling his side of the story. I haven't talked to my dad for six years because of this. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 9:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by bmonehh / 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by usmcgirl / 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML
by redisnotmycolor / 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML
by homewrecker / 11/08/2009 at 10:39am / United States / Love
by John / 11/07/2009 at 4:45pm / United States / Love
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2009 at 5:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
by laxie / 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
by Busted / 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
by diskdude13 / 10/14/2009 at 9:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML
by quietsleeper / 10/13/2009 at 7:07am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML
by pinoyson / 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (California) / Love