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toothache

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toothache
  • Town/Country : Baltimore, united states
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2115
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 78 posted

About toothache : Been in the FML game since '09

toothache's last visitors

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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

toothache's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14331) - you deserved it (22802)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

#18703291
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26537) - you deserved it (20625)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

#18701372
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16422) - you deserved it (6529)

On 01/03/2012 at 10:30pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

#18625590
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31216) - you deserved it (5111)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm - misc - by ericane27 - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

#18617176
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

#18473863
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you deserved it (4363)

On 12/10/2011 at 2:23am - intimacy - by HBC - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

#18417405
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (8408)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:03am - misc - by Sam - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat, when an attractive girl set up at the machine next to mine. She looked me up and down, then noticed the skid-marks on my underwear. FML

#18413058
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8479) - you deserved it (35656)

On 12/02/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by gtfb1993 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

#18374141
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (8367)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:34am - misc - by Dani - Reserved

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

#18358747
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29014) - you deserved it (9285)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm - misc - by Person15 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

#18314611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31531) - you deserved it (10772)

On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13831) - you deserved it (49683)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24841) - you deserved it (17024)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

#18150434
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (8636)

On 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by KayleeXLoVe21 - United States (New York)

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

#18129165
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21541) - you deserved it (20510)

On 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm - misc - by bakedplum (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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