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toorudett's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML
by keelah / 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Animals
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 1:32pm / Japan (Kanagawa) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/27/2014 at 6:57am / United Kingdom / Work
by IAMALITAHA / 06/27/2014 at 2:11am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/26/2014 at 9:39pm / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML
by E.B. / 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Mississippi) / Work
Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML
by Alex / 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by stop thief / 06/26/2014 at 11:11am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by DF / 06/26/2014 at 10:58am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous
by WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality / 06/26/2014 at 7:35am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Love
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
by Pisser / 06/26/2014 at 12:57am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
- Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the… Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had… Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most…