tooney

Search for a member

Offline (the 11/13/2016 at 9:30pm)

tooney

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 3 February 1986 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 346
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

tooney's page activity

Visits<b>RavenCheyenneC</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 10:15pm

tooney's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of tooney's badges

tooney's favorite FMLs

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

by dr mamour / 01/30/2013 at 4:57pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML

by brunetteshavemorefun / 12/22/2012 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

by Loserbot / 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

by BigBangCheater / 04/01/2012 at 6:08am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

by laststand11 / 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

by John Nani / 12/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals

Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML

by Great... / 11/09/2011 at 5:48pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy