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tonyclifford27's FML badges
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tonyclifford27's favorite FMLs
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
by mummer11 / 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 4:38pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals
by accountnamevalid / 06/20/2013 at 10:23pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
by wtf / 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Health
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
by anon / 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML
by anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 10:09am / United Kingdom / Animals
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Rash / 12/06/2011 at 11:54am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love
by HWS / 04/15/2011 at 1:47am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals