About tony1891 : Nos morituri te salutant
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tony1891's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 10:23am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I realized that I ran out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML
by LemonTree / 11/20/2014 at 6:32am / Hungary / Health
Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML
by HereToLaughAtU / 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML
by pickuptruckblues / 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by LittleRed79 / 11/11/2014 at 3:03am / Canada / Animals
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
by mouthwash / 11/11/2014 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Ltsdragons / 11/10/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by SisterOfTard / 11/10/2014 at 11:31am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML
by dogdays / 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by NoToBombs / 11/07/2014 at 10:51am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML
by ozozl / 11/06/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by highheelcyanide / 11/05/2014 at 8:11pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…