Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

tonijulie

Search for a member

tonijulie
  • Town/Country : Melbourne, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 636
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About tonijulie : Toni Vendero
From Tamaki Makaurau, Aotearoa
Loving life in Melbourne, Australia :)))
I believe it when I see it type of person.
Mummy to one, to the coolest kid on the planet ;)
FML is pretty much as far as I go in terms of social media.

tonijulie's last visitors

adrianh1090cskipgolfer2013SierraaaNicoleeeshabbir87Paradoxxxxcapslockisgoodtea_brewershellykjellymazdatuner09bkeljdaClaytonioo

tonijulie's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of tonijulie's badges

tonijulie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

#5760830
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9579) - you deserved it (53266)

On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

#5714367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (7759)

On 10/07/2009 at 11:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21302) - you deserved it (75857)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

#4827023
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8222) - you deserved it (57236)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

#4639027
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12992) - you deserved it (62169)

On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54469) - you deserved it (4484)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54469) - you deserved it (4484)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

#4501918
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42879) - you deserved it (11512)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

#4488799
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94138) - you deserved it (4541)

On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

#4438831
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8256) - you deserved it (89683)

On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40551) - you deserved it (4620)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

#4089919
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13565) - you deserved it (39317)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was mowing lawns for my summer job. I noticed next to me a shiny new corvette being washed by the owner. I gave a friendly wave, just as I heard a big clank as the mower blade shot a rock into the side of the car. FML

#4046446
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40385) - you deserved it (3468)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by ferrin10 - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

#4020184
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43119) - you deserved it (2363)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Jake (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

#3949576
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44507) - you deserved it (14992)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: