About tompou6 : I'm a sailing instructor during the summer and I'm a Primary Care Paramedic student. Msg me if you want to talk.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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tompou6's favorite FMLs
Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML
by lady parts / 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation
by thenegatives / 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
by Anonymous / 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML
by hahaohyeahwow / 09/24/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by nocat6 / 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 9:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML
by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work