About tompou6 : I'm a sailing instructor during the summer and I'm a Primary Care Paramedic student. Msg me if you want to talk.
tompou6's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
tompou6's favorite FMLs
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML
by McFuckYouTooCunt / 06/11/2015 at 9:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:24am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by notmysistersbf / 04/19/2015 at 10:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by tardspawn / 04/05/2015 at 11:38am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Health
Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2015 at 12:47pm / Ireland / Intimacy
Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
by MIB thingy please... / 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Sprinkles / 02/04/2015 at 2:44am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2015 at 10:53pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
by nosexforthee / 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 9:58am / United States / Love
by Northshore75 / 01/15/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML
by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by nick / 01/12/2015 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…