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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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tomoturtle

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tomoturtle
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8112
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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tomoturtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

#17996578 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (21073) - you deserved it (1410)

On 10/16/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by DaddysGirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (9770) - you deserved it (1467) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

#17892835 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (25092) - you deserved it (3768)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

#17892754 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (17206) - you deserved it (1802)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:15am - love - by NotRussian (woman) - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (28807) - you deserved it (1527)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (11251) - you deserved it (956)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

#17649576 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (27742) - you deserved it (2364)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:48am - love - by CHStennis_4 - United States (Utah)

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (14796) - you deserved it (5130)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

#17642132 (241)

I agree, your life sucks (20487) - you deserved it (2586)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:02am - health - by WoWWidow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

#17633677 (109)

I agree, your life sucks (8237) - you deserved it (1307)

On 09/01/2011 at 3:07am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

#17611164 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (18832) - you deserved it (6609)

On 08/29/2011 at 8:46am - love - by True Story - Canada

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799 (288)

I agree, your life sucks (22578) - you deserved it (3125)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

#17512926 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (18213) - you deserved it (5129)

On 08/18/2011 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by BigmouthStrikesAgain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

#17228318 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (16873) - you deserved it (9683)

On 07/23/2011 at 10:18am - kids - by lauramarie (woman) - Canada

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

#17122857 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22232) - you deserved it (2906)

On 07/15/2011 at 2:23pm - animals - by kacysospacyy (woman) - United States (California)