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Offline (the 10/15/2016 at 7:18pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 28 February 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3197
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About toasty_narwals : About me:
~5' 1"
~green eyes
~born on leap year (I don't know why my birth date keeps getting changed)
~feminist and equalist
~LGBTQ ally - love=love
~cat lady - her name is Waffles and she's a little angel :3
~cosmetologist - graduated in May 2015
~ I have an amazing boyfriend * together since January 19th, 2013 *

toasty_narwals's page activity

Visits<b>RaNdOmIzEd2017</b> - one hour ago<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 10/21/2016 at 1:13pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 10/18/2016 at 10:36am<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 10/18/2016 at 1:43am<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 10/16/2016 at 5:21pm<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 10/02/2016 at 3:51am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 4:00pm<b>A07</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 9:53am<b>mfaizsiddiqui</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 2:35pm<b>SpartyOnWayne</b> - the 08/04/2016 at 6:07pm<b>LPac5295</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 8:56pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 1:17pm<b>JETarchitect</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 12:54am<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 7:29pm<b>Teyros</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 2:09am<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 9:09pm<b>kingofswedes</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 2:56am<b>doxer</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 9:51pm

Fucked!<b>StiffPvtParts</b> - the 10/02/2016 at 9:52am<b>JETarchitect</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 6:54am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 1:30am<b>hi_im_ughlee</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 7:35pm<b>ManUtdFan743</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>brandonwong</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 1:17am<b>A07</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 6:40am<b>jordaandanielle</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 7:34pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 1:27am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 1:03am<b>Aliadel</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 4:38am<b>nhatt</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:51pm<b>Dogluvr1197</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:20pm<b>dayi_beny</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 8:10am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 5:05am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:09am<b>ladyofdeath13</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 6:25pm<b>Mons</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 5:47pm

toasty_narwals's FML badges

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toasty_narwals's favorite FMLs

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

by iamfab / 06/06/2015 at 1:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

by WolfAvenge / 05/21/2015 at 4:01am / United States (Arizona) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm / India (Delhi) / Intimacy

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2014 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

by Author / 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

by LadyDeadpool88 / 02/04/2014 at 9:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids