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Offline (the 11/20/2015 at 9:28pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 28 February 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2513
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About toasty_narwals : About me:
~5' 1"
~green eyes
~born on leap year (I don't know why my birth date keeps getting changed)
~feminist and equalist
~LGBTQ ally - love=love
~cat lady - her name is Waffles and she's a little angel :3
~cosmetologist - graduated in May 2015
~ I have an amazing boyfriend * together since January 19th, 2013 *
I like to talk so feel free to message me I almost always reply

toasty_narwals's page activity

Visits<b>xXMlg420RektXx</b> - yesterday at 12:03am<b>NYGiants1925</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 12:49pm<b>ShortieRose</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:12pm<b>Mons</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 4:13am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 9:39pm<b>bomzo</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:16am<b>chuckhorneatcorn</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 8:42am<b>ManUtdFan743</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 7:49pm<b>dantee2005</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 2:31pm<b>melons</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 12:45pm<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 11:56pm<b>maxyutd1</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 11:00pm<b>brandonwong</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 9:54am<b>balboa_2</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 1:29pm<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 7:19pm<b>glossykarma</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 1:48pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 10:57pm<b>A07</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 9:53am

Fucked!<b>ManUtdFan743</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 1:50am<b>brandonwong</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 1:17am<b>A07</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 6:40am<b>jordaandanielle</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 7:34pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 1:27am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 1:03am<b>Aliadel</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 4:38am<b>nhatt</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:51pm<b>Dogluvr1197</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:20pm<b>dayi_beny</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 8:10am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 5:05am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 6:09am<b>ladyofdeath13</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 6:25pm<b>Mons</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 5:47pm<b>random_funnygirl</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 8:50pm<b>apcsox</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 6:02am<b>KittyLover22</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 9:44pm<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 2:32am

toasty_narwals's FML badges


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Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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toasty_narwals's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28855) - you deserved it (2939)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25542) - you deserved it (10141)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML


I agree, your life sucks (26188) - you deserved it (8678)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm - misc - by jenpearl (woman) - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28268) - you deserved it (4750)

On 06/06/2015 at 1:52am - animals - by iamfab - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21299) - you deserved it (38983)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - India (Delhi)

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (8164)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML


I agree, your life sucks (46214) - you deserved it (29473)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (38283) - you deserved it (12771)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49346) - you deserved it (5655)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML


I agree, your life sucks (44613) - you deserved it (3968)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47071) - you deserved it (6544)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML


I agree, your life sucks (57494) - you deserved it (7033)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43526) - you deserved it (4642)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:16am - misc - by Lithiac - United States (Florida)

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