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toalysium

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toalysium
  • Town/Country : Texas, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 23 June 1983 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 315
  • Number of comments : 107
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About toalysium : Just here to revel in others' misery. It's particularly awesome when it's caused by their own stupidity. I wish there was a "You suck at life." option for voting.

toalysium's last visitors

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toalysium's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of toalysium's badges

toalysium's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7036) - you deserved it (50301)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

#20124966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20292) - you deserved it (1246)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:49am - love - by Enragedbitch - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21048) - you deserved it (4560)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

#20064293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16816) - you deserved it (3189)

On 09/09/2012 at 4:34am - love - by JB (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

#20064293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16816) - you deserved it (3189)

On 09/09/2012 at 4:34am - love - by JB (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

#20056763
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6298) - you deserved it (36250)

On 09/04/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Cherrish it - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12473) - you deserved it (15244)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

#20049344
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24370) - you deserved it (1762)

On 08/30/2012 at 11:24am - love - by nice one (woman) -

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

#20026176
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (654)

On 08/17/2012 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23535) - you deserved it (1752)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML

#20016279
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36069) - you deserved it (1980)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10547) - you deserved it (32409)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

#19899263
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20175) - you deserved it (1803)

On 07/06/2012 at 6:51am - love - by Toilettrash (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

#19895787
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15299) - you deserved it (7188)

On 07/05/2012 at 3:34pm - work - by lazy pregnant girl - United States

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

#19873141
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13102) - you deserved it (1389)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm - misc - by pissed off -



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