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titenite88

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titenite88

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 430
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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titenite88's page activity

Visits<b>Liamj774</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:50pm<b>Rachael20</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 8:36pm<b>kingbrizo</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 4:28pm

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titenite88's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

#16131734
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28260) - you deserved it (2436)

On 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm - health - by pigeons_suck (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34510) - you deserved it (10805)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13443) - you deserved it (34790)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

#14750549
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32443) - you deserved it (3940)

On 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm - health - by Mervin22 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

#14058992
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34282) - you deserved it (9472)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

#13521547
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35329) - you deserved it (2978)

On 10/20/2010 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

#9127255
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58200) - you deserved it (13571)

On 03/16/2010 at 6:55am - love - by hater -

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

#8730305
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20445) - you deserved it (9426)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by hornyloser770 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

#7268268
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (4044)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:37pm - misc - by Hayley (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (2841)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, my friends and I went to court. We are all college students, and for next semester, we will be on probation and have to do 8 hours of community service, as well as a $25 fine each. All for swinging on swings in the park after dark. FML

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

#5622961
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32083) - you deserved it (13730)

On 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by diva467 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

#3997843
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34316) - you deserved it (18678)

On 07/24/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17166) - you deserved it (68427)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

#3894865
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50965) - you deserved it (2889)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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