tink311

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Offline (the 08/22/2016 at 6:05am)

tink311

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 510
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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tink311's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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tink311's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

by monster1109 / 08/10/2015 at 11:51am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 6:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML

by anonpbc / 01/28/2015 at 8:51am / United States (Kansas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

by MisUnFortunate / 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

by AOart1st / 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals

Today, as I was walking home from work, I got chased halfway home by a wolf. Yes, a wolf. I live in central Norway. FML

by noxiffic / 10/31/2014 at 8:31am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 6:46am / Australia / Geek

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2014 at 11:37am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

by MegasaurusRex89 / 10/17/2014 at 8:04pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.