timtamslam

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Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 5:45am)

timtamslam

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3952
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

Visits<b>miss_fluffybutt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 9:00am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:31am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 6:17am<b>constipation</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 1:54pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:17pm<b>rabidbunniez</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 6:41pm<b>Jaager</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:51pm<b>jalenlounis</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>wildsweetchild</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:20am<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:40am<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 12:05am<b>windell</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 11:37pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:33am<b>BrittanyHen</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 12:39pm<b>Smorg_z16</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 10:35pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 7:19pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 12:56am

Fucked!<b>miss_fluffybutt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 3:00pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:31pm

timtamslam's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of timtamslam's badges

timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

by duuuuude / 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

by asleepinclass / 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm / Poland (Warszawa) / Intimacy

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

by ripdivine / 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

by LilShawty2000 / 02/24/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

by Noname / 02/23/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

by isuckatlife / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

by GD / 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

by name50 / 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous