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timtamslam

Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 7:25am) | Search for a member

timtamslam

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1692
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

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timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31976) - you deserved it (141523)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76816) - you deserved it (23409)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45467) - you deserved it (21148)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

#834791
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60547) - you deserved it (5427)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (241812) - you deserved it (32154)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125431) - you deserved it (36535)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

#142104
957 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73245) - you deserved it (424981)

On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19507) - you deserved it (51116)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

#120277
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62717) - you deserved it (7147)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by LilShawty2000 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

#113556
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19546) - you deserved it (50966)

On 02/23/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

#99894
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49182) - you deserved it (5185)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

#97632
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (263330) - you deserved it (59685)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
505 comments

I agree, your life sucks (234613) - you deserved it (81891)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (442196)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)



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