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timlee2891

Offline (the 09/06/2014 at 8:51pm) | Search for a member

timlee2891

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  • Number of visits : 44
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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timlee2891's favorite FMLs

I GOT A CALL FROM THE POLICE THAT MAH HOUSE HAD BEEN BURGLARIZD BUT AN OFF-DUTY COP CAUGHT THE CRIMINAL . I PULL UP TO SEE MAH DETAIND PSYCHO EX-BOYFRIEND SHEEPISHLY GRINNING AT ME . HE HAD THREE OF MAH LACE PANTIES AND TWO OF MAH BRAS CLAIMING IT WAS "ALL FIR MEMORIES SAKE" . MEGA FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50314) - you deserved it (4241)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, dad took me to a bar 4 first legal drink!! He quickly got "drunk" an startd slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too looool poor to pay 4 an abortion!! As I startd crying, he burst out laughing an said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45652) - you deserved it (5939)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, mah husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at mah grandfather's funeral!! He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic!! We were both kicked out!! My family think I put him up to the whole thing!! FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38374) - you deserved it (4289)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, mah girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex fir us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
204 comments

Today, I ad to bail my usband out of jail. It turns out tat in te Black Friday rus, e beat a guy up just so e could get is ands on te last of a eavily-discounted item. Te item in question: a toaster. FML

#20975053
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40914) - you deserved it (3979)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:55pm - misc - by fleetingmemories (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today , I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table an make it look like an accident. mega FML

#20940427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48103) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someoneho'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42990) - you deserved it (8987)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48137) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I Found Out That My Brother Is Adamant That If He Records Silence, Then Listens To Said Silence At Full Volume, It'll Improve The Headphones' Noise-blocking Abilities . I Live With A Complete Idiot . Mega FML

Today I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say ( Shit! Get this fucker back under! ) then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid ( another lawsuit ) followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59073) - you deserved it (3540)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, usband and I switcd pones by accident. I've already recievd several nakd looool pictures from one of is co-workers. fat FML

#20898640
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59331) - you deserved it (3995)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:08am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, whila sitting in a crowdad waiting room at tha doctor's offica, mah 5-yaar-old daughtar pointad at mah 6-yaar-old son's crotch and boomad, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which ha yallad, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48932) - you deserved it (6396)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, MAH SON VISITED FIR THE FRST TIME IN THREE YEARS, ASKING TO STAY AHILE. IT TURNS OUT HE INSULTED SOMEONE ONLINE AND GAVE HIS ADDRESS IN CASE THEY WANTED TO FIGHT HIM. THEY ACCEPTED THE OFFER, AND SO MAH SON'S IMAGINARY MUAY THAI SKILLS WENT AWOL, ALONG WITH HIS TESTICLES. REAL FML

#20726002
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41442) - you deserved it (4405)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today , My Grlfriend Cummed Over To A Family Game Night!! Halfway Through A Game Of Klingon Monopoly , My Drunk Parents Started Arguing Because Apparently , While My Dad Was In Jail , He Cheated On My Mom With A Klingon Whore!! I Doubt My Grlfriend Will Ever Visit Again!! FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22990) - you deserved it (2378)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Taday I Invitad A Faw Of My Co-workars Ovar To Play Vidao Gamas. Within An Hour, My Wifa Had Gottan Drunk, Grabbad My Controllar, Told Ma To "gat Back In Tha Kitchan", An Dascribad To Avaryona In Blood-chilling Datail How Sha Took Har Frst Boyfriand's Vrginity. FML

#18591891
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28815) - you deserved it (3435)

On 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm - misc - by ThinZ (man) - United States (Virginia)



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