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timetodie54

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timetodie54

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  • Number of visits : 22
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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timetodie54's favorite FMLs

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

#20910543
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43360) - you deserved it (7299)

On 10/07/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55769) - you deserved it (3706)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

#20737996
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40121) - you deserved it (3591)

On 06/20/2013 at 10:17pm - misc - by just trying to be nice (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42400) - you deserved it (2481)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

#15441546
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11476) - you deserved it (42428)

On 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by PFCdavila (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see who's dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

#15260051
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37314) - you deserved it (3257)

On 03/10/2011 at 6:09am - animals - by Tom -

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

#13949092
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41209) - you deserved it (5429)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my best friend kisses me while I sleep. We're both guys. FML

#10975690
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65181) - you deserved it (8009)

On 06/04/2010 at 10:03pm - love - by weirdesout - United States (Texas)

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

#10945520
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44517) - you deserved it (24489)

On 06/03/2010 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by Allie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (9146)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

#8565371
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24543) - you deserved it (6703)

On 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm - work - by Patrick (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

#4678208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16137) - you deserved it (44018)

On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying "I'm good" or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

#1972272
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59097) - you deserved it (23450)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (96674)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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