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tim_narnimee's favorite FMLs
by queengarmin / 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm / United States / Money
Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 12:27pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML
by Teach / 03/31/2015 at 3:40am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
by bowler99 / 01/12/2015 at 11:43am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by cwhitney7 / 12/22/2014 at 10:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Bahhumbug / 12/22/2014 at 9:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Extravirgin / 12/16/2014 at 7:01am / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML
by Brasilian29 / 12/11/2014 at 7:01am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML
by mastel07 / 12/10/2014 at 7:59am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML
by .__. / 12/07/2014 at 3:10am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML
by Michelle / 12/05/2014 at 10:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, while working in a restaurant, a woman told me I was completely incompetent, was the worst hostess she'd ever seen, and that she would call my district manager non-stop until I was fired. I'd clocked in less than 10 minutes before and hadn't said a single word to her. FML
by christinamarie17 / 12/04/2014 at 1:57am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by virgacs / 12/01/2014 at 8:58am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love
- Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters… Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was… Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort…