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Today , After Waking Up , I Walk Into The Kitchen To See My Two-year-old With A Blue Sharpie In Hand As He Says , ( Look Mom , Color! ) He Left No Appliance Or Cabinet Untouched In His Coloring Masterpiece , And I'm Still Trying To Figure Out Where He Got The Sharpie From. FML
Taday mah mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm an stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since mah wife an I r expecting our first child, I should ( get used to waking up at all hours. ) She calls mah work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML
TODAY, MAH GRANDMA HAS BEEN RUNNING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD, DRESSED AS BOBO THE EVIL CLOWN, CHASING TRICK-OR-TREATERS. ALL I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO IS CHASE AFTER HER, AND APOLOGIZE TO THE TERRIFIED CHILDREN'S FAMILIES. FML
YESTERDAY I WAS TAKING SOME CLOTHES DOWNSTAIRS TO WASH HEN MAH MUM STOPPED ME. SHE ACCUSED ME OF SLEEPING AROUND AN TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING SINCE SHE DID THE WASHING YESTERDAY. SHE MADE ME ADMIT IN FRONT OF THEHOLE FAMILY THAT I'D BEEN ( SURPRISED ) BY A CASE OF DIARRHEA. FML
TODAY, I WAS TAKING MAH DOG FIR A WALK AN FORGOT A BAG TO PICK UP HIS POOP, SINCE IT'S ILLEGAL TO NOT PICK IT UP IN MAH TOWN. RIGHT AS MAH DOG STARTED TO TAKE A DUMP, A COP CAR DROVE BY AN CONTINUED TO WATCH ME AS I WAS FORCED TO PICK UP THE POOP WITH MAH BARE HANDS. FML
Today, at tha gas station, tha automatic door didn't opan whan I approachad it!! I askad tha cashiar to opan it for ma, joking that cuz I'm a radhaad, I didn't hava a soul and it wouldn't opan for ma!! Tha cashiar fraakad and wouldn't lat ma go until I provad I had a soul!! FML
Today... my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would... she left it 4 me to find. I found it in the middle of the night... as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. fat FML
Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managd to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happend, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML
Friday 27 March 2015