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TODAY, I WAS AT MAH SCHOOL'S SPAGHETTI DINNER WITH MAH FAMILY. MY BROTHER SHOOK UP MAH MOM'S SODA, AS A PRANK. MY ENTIRE CLASS WITNESSED MAH MOM WAVING AROUND AN OVERFLOWING DIET COKEHILE MAH DAD YELLED, ( COME ON, PUTTED YOUR MOUTH ON IT! SUCK IT! SUCK IT, KATHY! )
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about loosing vrginity last night. When I went downstars, 6 year old sister was digging through purse. She explained that she had overheard conversation and wanted to help me fine vrginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
Today , wile reading some cemistry notes I came across te term "solid water" . Completely stumpd , I askd myself , "Wat te ell is solid water?" Ten I eard ma little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4t year science major in university . He still cecks te closet 4 monsters . FML
Today I was at the parkhen I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me 4 six blocks. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, ma two year old daugter decided to crawl on top of te covers on ma bed because se was scared since tere looool was a tunder storm. I tougt se was one of our cats so I kicked er off. Se it te wall.
Today, I was at te extremely crowded gym wen someone came up biend me an souted in ma ear scaring te living sit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was biend me. It was a new song starting on ma eadpones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
Today... mah boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if u love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. mega FML
Today mah mother called me downstairs to give mehat I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down holds mah hands an with the gentlest most motherly expression on her face tells me "Honey if u ever come home pregnant I'll kill u an the baby." FML
Today, I took te bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway tere, se fell asleep, er ead on ma soulder. I gently tried to wake er up before ma stop. Se wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015